When the body says no penetration

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It happens that the sexual relationship, although desired, is not happening as expected.

Many circumstances can influence the pleasure, but some states directly affect the felt. This is particularly the case of those who suffer, too often in silence, from sexual dysfunction. In this column, it will only be a matter of consensual sexual relations, because, obviously, the opposite case would entail many other considerations.

No penetration

When the body reacts strongly to a stimulus, whatever it is, it is natural to ask questions. The baggage of family, and education come sometimes to neutralize the pleasure and enjoyment associated with sexuality, which might otherwise be experienced in a healthy way. Natalie, a reader of 31 years, said : “I have not had sex complete, that is to say with penetration before the age of 26 years. My partner of the time, my first boyfriend, was super patient. He never forced anything and was waiting for my signal. But each time, it was impossible for him to get and it ends either by tears, or by a dispute monumental. We were young and the idea of going to see to it I had not even crossed my mind. So I endured for years. But when Peter came into my life, things have changed. He had already been married and his wife had lived pretty much the same thing as me. Her past was a little different, she had been sexually assaulted at the age of 14 years, while this was not my case. So he knew how to react, and I was immediately told that I could get myself out of it, that I didn’t need to endure and live as much difficulty with my sexuality. So I decided to go see a sex therapist and my life changed. Now, I would like to know how to take advantage of it and cease to live of anxiety… “


Why the body refuses to-t-he penetration ? What’s going on ? Vaginismus is characterized by involuntary contraction of the outer third of the vagina (pelvic floor muscles) when there is a attempt of vaginal penetration with the penis, fingers and/or other (tampon, for example). This strong contraction that makes penetration impossible or extremely painful if it occurs. Jo Annie has had this difficulty a few years ago and she tells us about : “I write because I want to share with you my story. Maybe this will help other women like me, and especially to give them hope. Patrick and I have managed to pass through this ordeal because we had confidence in each other. I have had sex a good part of my life, without a problem. But it has happened events, which I would prefer not to speak to the readers, who have done that I found myself wiped out from one day to the next day. I went to see a therapist and it has helped me a lot. But we had not talked about the aspect of sexuality, I was not a couple at the time. When Patrick arrived in my life, things have changed and I needed to face my demons again. The therapist brought me to a physiotherapist in pelvic floor exercises and it is from there that it has improved. In conjunction with my therapist, we worked on important issues. Therapy and gait physio lasted two years in total, but these are the two most beautiful years, I have invested on me, on my future. My couple is stronger than ever, and I even had my first vaginal orgasms a year ago ! What a victory ! “

To improve the situation

Vaginismus is a sexual disorder that has a very good prognosis in terms of improvement of the situation, or even even disappearing. To do so, it is to get the right diagnosis and then you have the right guides to make adjustments and changes (lifestyle, physical health and relational, knowledge of the body, etc.). In short, very encouraging. According to the authors of passport to health : “The causes of vaginismus are mainly psychological :

  • Vaginismus can occur if previous penetrations vaginal caused the pain, the fear of being in pain which then takes on the top can cause contractions of the muscles of the vagina.
  • A traumatic experience in the past (sexual abuse, medical examinations and invasive and painful, etc) can cause vaginismus.
  • Stress and uncertainty regarding the sexual relationship can sometimes involve the muscles of the pelvic floor to contract to protect the vagina from any penetration.
  • Vaginismus can be primary. A strict education in relation to sex may have led to blockages, psychological (for example).
  • Disorders the sentimental or professional can contribute to the onset of vaginismus.
  • Factors other than psychological may be the cause, such as menopause, a malformation of the vagina or a vaginal infection. “

Source : passeportsante.net April, 2015, The vaginismus.

Anyway, if you feel you recognize yourself, or recognize these symptoms in your partner, please do not hesitate to consult your doctor or a therapist who can help you !